So you’ve heard of emotional intelligence, but you don’t understand the different subsections of EQ. This is especially frustrating if you’re trying to develop your emotional intelligence – you can’t improve EQ without understanding what it means.
Emotional Intelligence is what helps us navigate the complex web of human emotions—both our own and those of others. According to EQ Edge by Steven Stein and Howard Book, there are 15 types of emotional intelligence.
At The Metiss Group, our program, The Emotional Intelligence Journey™, coaches teams from frustrated and burnt out to powerful and driven. We assess how an individual performs across all 15 subsections, identify areas for improvement, and create an action plan based on those results.
This article will help you understand each subsection.
1. Emotional Self-Awareness
The ability to be aware of and understand one’s feelings and their impact
Having emotional self-awareness involves taking stock of how you’re feeling. It helps you be aware when something is pushing your buttons and may keep you from getting sucked in.
Example: You’ve just had a stressful, long day at work. You come home, and the house is a mess. You yell at your spouse and kids, exploding with anger: “How could anyone live in this pigsty?”
In this example, you’ve allowed the stress from work to suck you in. And instead of taking stock and overcoming the stress, you’ve dumped it onto your family.
Having emotional self-awareness helps you recognize when you’re feeling strong emotions – whether they’re good or bad. This recognition then helps you have control over your emotions instead of letting them impact your interactions with other people.
You may notice in that example, though, that you’re rarely dealing with one subcategory at a time. The above example also requires impulse control and stress tolerance.
2. Self-Regard
The ability to respect and accept one’s strengths and weaknesses
Having a healthy self-regard isn’t just self-confidence: it’s understanding where you shine and where you fall short.
It helps you accomplish your goals. If you think you can do it all, then you’ll inevitably fail. After all, no one is good at everything, and recognizing your blind spots will help you understand where to ask for help.
On the other hand, if you think negatively of yourself and fail to recognize your strengths, then you’ll be too scared to attempt greatness.
3. Self-Actualization
The ability to improve oneself and pursue meaningful objectives
Take a moment to think about how much time you dedicate to different areas of your life.
How much time do you dedicate to your career? What about your family, your hobbies, or your fitness?
Abraham Maslow coined the term “self-actualization” in the 1940s as part of his Hierarchy of Needs model. His model shows that once basic human needs are met – food to eat, water to drink, safety, and more – then we’re able to focus on our hobbies and passions.
Those who prioritize self-actualization are involved in pursuits that lead to a meaningful, rich, and full life. The goal is to have a balance of these priorities across all areas of your life: work, family, hobbies, etc.
And when you prioritize meaningful activities, the result is you’ll have an enthusiastic passion for accomplishing your goals.
One caveat: Maslow believed that many people are incapable of reaching self-actualization. He also indicated that it's almost impossible to sustain. You're more likely to hit it, drop down, then hit it again, and the cycle continues.
So what does this mean in the workplace? You may not feel every day that you're making a difference in your life and the world. But when you've developed your self-actualization, you'll know how to align your work and values to give yourself the best chance for purpose and passion.
4. Emotional Expression
Ability to express one’s feelings verbally and non-verbally
You know your intentions and what you mean to say. But other people can’t read your mind.
Sometimes, even if you say all the right words, your message could be lost if you don’t nail the delivery.
Imagine a time you’ve tried speaking to someone who couldn’t hold eye contact. You may have asked yourself, “Are they trying to brush me off, or are they just shy?”
Or imagine a time you’ve witnessed a colleague botch a presentation. You’ve worked with that person plenty of times in the past, and you know they’re experts in their field – but if their nonverbal communication doesn’t match, then that’s all the audience will remember.
Body language expert Albert Mehrabian found that 55% of our communication comes from our body language; 38% from voice and tone; and only 7% from our spoken words.
We tend to trust people who act confident and look attractive. So communicating with others requires the ability not only to choose your words carefully – but you must also consider voice, tone, body language, and more.
5. Independence
Ability to be self-directed and free of emotional dependency on others
Independent people have the ability to stand on their own two feet without needing validation or direction from others.
When independent people make mistakes, they learn from them. Dependent people are too scared of making the wrong decision, so they cling to others for guidance.
For example, a new hire might have high dependence in the beginning. They’re still getting used to their new role, and they want to make a good first impression. The goal is to grow out of that stage.
But if they’re a year in and still running everything by their manager before taking action, the manager could feel overwhelmed by that employee’s dependence.
Independent people may still ask others for guidance – the difference, though, is they don’t need to rely on others to satisfy an emotional need. When independent people seek guidance, they consider other people’s opinions before ultimately making the right decision for themselves.
6. Assertiveness
Ability to express feelings, beliefs, and thoughts in a non-destructive way
“In a nondestructive way” is key to the definition of assertiveness. Assertive people can stand up for themselves without attacking others.
To be assertive, you must be able to recognize your feelings before you express them.
Second, you must have good Impulse Control and Emotional Expression – this helps you express disapproval without exploding into anger.
And last, you must stand up for yourself, your rights, and your ideas. You must be able to express your point of view without tearing down another’s.
7. Interpersonal Relationships
Ability to develop and maintain mutually satisfying relationships
A “mutually satisfying relationship” has both give and take. When you can make people feel good, they’re more willing to help you out, too.
When you were young in your career, you probably got the same advice as many other people trying to break into their fields: you need to network. Some fields are more social than others – such as sales or customer service – but even if you’re an engineer or accountant, having these interpersonal skills can make you more successful.
Someone with good interpersonal skills can strike up a conversation with anyone. They know how to ask the right questions to keep a conversation going, and they know how to transition into other topics with ease.
But again, interpersonal relationships need both give and take. If you give too much, you’ll come off as needy. And if you only take (such as talking about yourself instead of asking questions of the other person), you’ll come off as exploitative and parasitic.
8. Empathy
Ability to recognize, understand, and appreciate the feelings of others
Empathy is a person’s ability to see the world from another’s perspective. You can understand what, how, and why they think the way they do – even if it’s different from your own perspective.
There are three common misconceptions about empathy:
People confuse it with being nice: in other words, making generally polite statements
People also confuse it with sympathy. Sympathetic statements typically start with “I” or “me,” such as “I’m sorry to hear about your loss.” On the other hand, empathy focuses on the thoughts and feelings of someone besides yourself.
People think empathy means you agree with the person. You can disapprove of someone’s position and still be empathetic to why they believe that position.
To practice empathy when someone is feeling strong emotions, you can ask open-ended questions, such as “How did you feel about that?” and “What did you wish might happen?”
9. Social Responsibility
Ability to contribute to society, one’s social group, and the welfare of others
Social responsibility is the morality piece of EQ. People with social responsibility are willing to do things for other people, for their social groups, and for society.
Because it’s directed outward, it’s an easy piece of EQ to improve. And the good news is that once you start helping others, you’ll feel better about yourself, too.
For example, picture a person who is going through a rut. They feel antisocial, depressed, and like the world is pitted against them.
So they foster a dog through the local humane society. The dog gives them a reason to get out of bed in the morning. They need to take the dog on frequent walks, so they’re spending more time outside. And that person begins to feel like they’re making a difference in the life of another living creature, which makes them feel better about their place in the world.
You don’t have to be a part of a volunteer organization to improve your social responsibility. It can also be achieved by going out of your way for the people in your community. Maybe you’re the one who offers support when a coworker is out of office, or maybe you bring in a platter of cookies for your coworkers.
10. Impulse Control
Ability to resist or delay an impulse, drive, or temptation to act
People who lack impulse control are rash, hot-headed, and impatient. They often get carried away in the moment – they don’t look before they leap.
On the other hand, people who make decisions after reflection – a time to weigh options and alternatives – will have a much greater chance of success in their business and personal lives.
Going with your gut and making a quick decision isn’t always a bad thing; after all, we all know at least one couple who got married on impulse and are still together. But a lot more of those “Let’s get married tonight!” Vegas-style weddings don’t work out.
Keep in mind, though, that too much impulse control can be an issue if it creates an elevated fear around making decisions.
11. Reality Testing
Ability to remain objective by seeing things as they really are
Reality testing is your ability to see things objectively – not the way you fear them to be.
If you assume someone has poor intent behind a comment, you must take a step back (which requires Impulse Control). This gives you a chance to see how consistent that comment is with other statements by that person. You can also evaluate other things you know about them. That’s how you test your reality.
The phrase “making a mountain out of a molehill” demonstrates someone who struggles with reality testing. This type of person sees a problem and feels it is overwhelming and unsolvable.
On the other hand, someone who “buries their head in the sand” also needs to improve their reality testing. To have this element of EQ, you need to face your problems and see them objectively instead of dismissing them.
12. Problem-Solving
Ability to solve problems where emotions are involved using emotions
People with problem-solving EQ can use their emotions to motivate themselves regardless of the nature of the challenge.
Consider a time when a large project has been assigned to you with a tight deadline. You may have felt tempted to look at the pile of work, throw up your hands, and give up. You may have thought to yourself, “There’s no way I can do all of this!”
But if you have high problem-solving EQ, once you start digging in, the challenge begins to motivate you. You’ll also know when to call on others for help – and not ask for help before you’ve attempted it yourself.
These people are also aware of the emotional impact of themselves and others when considering different solutions. For example, trying to ignore emotions during a layoff can leave you ill-prepared for your personal disappointment. You'll also be less prepared for the emotional reactions of those laid off and those who have survivor's guilt.
13. Flexibility
Ability to adapt one’s feelings, thinking, and behavior to change
Life can turn on a dime. You could lose your job or change careers. You or your partner could get pregnant. You could move across the country or the world.
What’s going to bring you success through all of these changes? Your flexibility.
Those who are flexible can reinterpret unexpected situations that seem scary at first. Those who are inflexible look to the past and say, “This is how things have always been done.”
But when people are unable to adjust to new changes, they’re unprepared when new ways are required. Flexibility is critical to success: it gives you the capacity to handle shifting priorities and rapid change. And it minimizes the stressful impact change can bring on people.
14. Stress Tolerance
Ability to effectively cope with stressful or difficult situations
Those with stress tolerance understand what actions can help them cope with stress. They feel optimistic about new experiences and their ability to overcome challenges. They also feel in control and know how to stay calm in stressful situations.
When you can’t positively cope with stress, the result can be anxiety, depression, a bad night’s sleep, or worse. That’s why learning to manage stress is so important not only for your career but also for your health.
The key to managing stress is to put things into perspective. Imagine your first crush and how devastated you were the first time you got rejected. At the time, it may have felt like the end of the world. Now, you might look back on that memory with a laugh. Thankfully, time heals all wounds.
When we remind ourselves that we’re doing the best we can and that certain things are out of our control, we take a step closer to effectively tolerating our stress.
15. Optimism
Ability to remain hopeful and resilient, despite setbacks
People across all backgrounds, careers, and cultures will experience setbacks throughout their lives. Optimism is your ability to remain hopeful despite those setbacks.
It has nothing to do with being rich or poor; sick or healthy; lucky or unlucky. If you’re optimistic, you have an inner resource that helps you believe you can improve and overcome any setback. It’s the opposite of pessimism.
A common misconception is that optimistic people believe things will be great no matter what. This would show a deficiency in Reality Testing – the truth is, it takes hard work to overcome a setback, but optimistic people believe they can do it.
Have you ever been around someone who constantly says, “Of course this would happen to me!” Even something as mundane as a traffic jam. They think the world is out to get them and that there is nothing they can do to overcome their bad luck.
Instead, when something sets you back, you must recognize your feelings of disappointment and then move on. Learn from the experience, and it’ll help you be more flexible and resilient in the future.
The bottom line about the 15 types of emotional intelligence
At the end of the day, we all need to develop our emotional intelligence to have more successful interactions in the workplace and in our personal lives. This is especially important if any of these definitions stuck out to you as a pain point.
The good news is that EQ is developable, and the behavior experts at The Metiss Group have more than 30 years of experience in this development. Head over to the The Leadership Academy™ page to learn more about our The Emotional Intelligence Journey™.